Some ways to be a revolutionary in everyday life.

Consent is sexy. 

Consent isn't boring, consent means getting someone's enthusiastic yes to an agreed upon activity. That means that you can trust that the other person is equally excited in participating in this shared experience as you are. Isn't that fucking hot/wonderful?? You can now relax knowing that this person is doing this because they really want to, not because they feel obligated to, which results in ongoing feelings of resentment.

Touch! Touch releases oxytocin, a hormone in our body that decreases anxiety, and increases feelings of calm and contentment. So the more we deprive ourselves of touch, the more anxious we become. The more anxious we are, the harder it becomes to successfully navigate this challenging time we are at in life. Oxytocin also is shown to decrease fear, and when we aren't afraid, we can more effectively tackle problems and issues that are plaguing our collective lives.

How to have a great touch experience: touch within consent. If there is not an enthusiastic yes to all touch by the parties involved,  DO NOT TOUCH. This means, ask before you touch.
Why, doesn't everyone need a hug? Not necessarily! For some people, an unwanted hug or other form of touch can be violating and traumatic, and technically a form of rape/battery. Scary right??

A quick solution is to not assume anything.
Not sure if a person wants touch or not? Ask!  (:
"I'd like to gently touch your leg, is that something you would like? No? Awesome! Thank you for taking care of yourself and knowing your boundaries."
Enthusiastically yes? Great! Consensual touch can now occur, congratulations! You both can now benefit from all of the wonderful effects of touch.

When are some revolutionary moments to add touch to this world?
Publicly! In some cultures, men are openly affectionate with other men in a non-sexual manner. Changing the culture of touch can change people's views on homosexuality and perhaps make it a safer place for everyone.
Privately! Building a practice of creating consent before touch will greatly lower the amount of anxiety amongst many people who are quite on guard against unwanted touch. Creating safe physical environments for people is a game changer!
Sure there may be some moments when it seems awkward and unnatural. Great! Consider that an opportunity to talk about why it is more natural and normal to risk unwanted touch than it is to get expressed consent before hand.

But what happens if I make a mistake and fall into old patterns of touching before getting consent?
You had a consent accident? Yay! A learning opportunity! A chance to be a revolutionary!
First let's be clear that there are consent accidents and then consent violations. One is intentional and should be dealt with much more harshly. More on that another time.
The other, is a chance to experience another person's perspective.

What do they look like? Well...

Last week I had the experience of being the perpetrator of unwanted touch. I connected with a friend I hadn't seen in a while and was feeling sexually attracted to her and assumed that the feelings were mutual and that she would enjoy it when I reached out affectionately to touch her leg. I was wrong. I also did not notice that she had winced when I went to touch her leg. Double wrong.
While I had noticed something had shifted, (go me!) I had not picked up on her social cue of wincing (crap...). You see, I've been on this consent-touch-boundaries train for quite some time now, so to learn that I, yours truly, just violated someone's physical space in an unwanted way, well I felt like shit!
So I was presented with two choices:
A: Blow her off and call her a dumb bitch, which sadly is a all too common pattern of male reaction when women stop being interested in a man.

B: Approach and inquire. "Hey, I noticed a shift, did I do something?" Simple, non-judgmental, MUCH better than, "hey, why did you move away from me?" Aggressive, scary, and potentially physically threatening. Again, all too common to hear this or something similar right before a domestic assault occurs. *breathes* This is why I write, maybe this'll ripple and stop one assault before it happens.

So what happened next? She was kind and generous enough to share her experience which was that when I touched her leg, it was unwanted. Awesome! Sure, I felt like shit for violating someone's body, and I was grateful to learn how to be more respectful of people's bodies.

The lesson? Even if someone is feeling you and thinks you looking damn fine, it does NOT mean that they want you to touch them without asking first.

Bonus tip! Don't already be reaching for a form of touch while you ask a person if that's something they would like. It puts the other person in a unfair position.  Aka, don't be a Voldemort.

Instead, make your touch request from a neutral body position where a person doesn't feel pressured to go along with your touch and can instead make their decision based truly on whether or not they feel like it in the moment, you know, like a cup of tea.
 ( Haven't seen the amazing video on how consent is like a cup of tea? Oh my god! Watch it right now, it's great! Seriously! Just click play below, it's that awesome that I put it here for you.)