Safer Sex

I will divide safer sex into the following areas for your satisfaction:

Conversations

(Because why not use two supposed colleagues in business attire as my photo for safer sex conversation?)

Testing

Agreements and Boundaries

Protip: Always shake on any good safer sex agreement.



Conversations:

Below are the three main resources I have used in my own sexy times.  They are gold.

Reid Mihalko's Safer Sex Elevator Speech

Video with example of Reid Mihalko's Safer Sex Elevator Speech

Video: The other safer sex conversation

Testing:

What you'll probably get tested for when they say test for everything

HIV, (fast test and slow test),
gonorrhea, (throat and anal swabs potentially as well)
chlamydia (throat and anal swabs potentially as well),
and syphilis.
 
What they probably won't test for:

HPV(lots of different strains, almost everyone has probably contracted this virus and cleared it already in their life)  CDC info here
HSV 1, HSV 2  (CDC does not recommend screening for this unless you have active signs and symptoms) CDC info here

 How to test smart.
If you're with a new partner and you're both considering having sex without a barrier (condom or whatnot), get tested, then get tested again two weeks later without any new partners in between.  (there are caveats here, such as if you have partners that you're sleeping with that are also getting regularly tested, or are only having sex with you, etc.)

So here's how testing works.
        For HIV, the fast test (20 min and you have results) tells you the presence of HIV from 90 days prior.  This means that it does not take into account any people you have slept with in the 90 days before you got tested.
For HIV, the slow test (1 week and you have results) shortens that window to 10 days from the day you got tested, not the day you got the results.
Gonorrhea or chlamydia won't necessarily show up on tests until up to two weeks after you have contracted it.

With this information about HIV, Gonorrhea and chlamydia, for the most accurate results, do not have penetrative sex for two weeks prior to testing, or don't take on any new partners and maybe you and all current partners get tested at the same time and keep the sex circle closed for two weeks.  Make sense?

( NOTE: This does not mean, don't be sexy.  With how much I like sexy times, i would hate life if i couldn't be sexual during these windows.  So I recommend being creative!  I've yet to have a poor experience with going hands only with a bowl full of coconut oil nearby.  :)

I haven't mentioned syphilis yet.  That is because it won't necessarily show up on a test for up to three months.  and symptoms can appear and then disappear.
That's why I get tested every three months, for my dear syphilis.

In summary, best practices are get tested every three months, and refrain from unknowns in regards to partners for two weeks prior to testing.

Agreements and Boundaries

I will offer my current agreements and boundaries as an example.  You will notice a lot of it is letting people know who I am and what I am about.  That way, no one feels like they don't know what they're getting into.

<Begin example>

I fall in love with multiple people during the same chronological time period.  I also love having sex with different people.  This includes with people who i have just recently met at sex(y) parties.

I have safer sex conversations with everyone who I am considering have sex with.  If they don't check out, then we don't have sex.  This looks like them being recently tested for sti's (within last 6 months), whether they have had any risky experiences with other partners, and whether they have asked all of their partners since they were last tested about their testing status.  If any of these clauses are not met, then I'm not having sex with them.  I get tested every three months, and my last results all came back negative for HIV, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and Syphilis.  I typically have unprotected oral with my partners, while always using condoms for vaginal or anal sex. (If I have had any risky experiences since I was last tested, I will also share that with them.)

I flirt and love a lot of people.  I usually will end up having sex with very few of the people I flirt with.

I have sex with men, women, and people who don't identify with either of those genders.

I'm tender and honest and vulnerable.  Tread softly with my heart and I humbly ask that you assume the best of me.

If you cook lunch or dinner, I'll gleefully do the dishes. Most likely I'll be whipping up breakfast.

I love being invited over for sleepovers.

I'm not attached to outcomes nor am I very goal oriented.  I am pleasure oriented and would rather look for a win-win where we both feel safe, relaxed and are getting our needs met, and hopefully end up feeling nourished.  This means we can have sleepovers and not have sex, which is pretty awesome.  Sex is also awesome too, don't get me wrong.

In regards to sex, I seem to be quite the energetic sexual.  This means I need to feel safe and connected, both physically and emotionally, in order to surrender to someone, but once that happens I am sexually wired.  This means I want my cock touched, held, stroked, sucked, and fucked.  And you can be damn sure I want to be all up in your genitals as well.  

I can be intense.  I enjoy diving into the deep end holding weights in my arms.  I want to know the essense of you.  I want to know what your deepest desires and fears are and then I want to be there with you as you share them out loud, trembling.

So please let me know how you feel.  

Awesome responses include:  

a) Thank you for your interest, and I'm not interested.

b) I'm curious and find you attractive, but I would like to get to know you a little better.  Here's some things about me in the meantime!

c) Why aren't you naked and in my bed already?

Feel like contributing your safer sex agreements and boundaries so that we can have a community submitted resource to help others?  Fill out this delightful four question survey here!  

Do you have some suggestions for how to make the survey better?  Let me know!