Out in Ohio Briefly

I didn't feel like watching television before I went to bed, so I opted for the next best thing.  Getting my thoughts down.  So, hi.

I've been here in Ohio since Aug 2nd.  I decided to take another medical software consulting gig.  It's been a year since I did my last one.  I've rejected plenty of gigs in the last year, always having enough backup cash to continue following my heart, and always feeling that sinking feeling of dread.  Until I was looking at my bank account dwindling about a month ago and realized that I was going to need to start making money if I was going to be able to afford gas, burritos, and well, those were my basic necessities.  So I looked at my options, and figured consulting was a good way for me to make a quick chunk of change in a short amount of time with very little effort involved.  So that's what I did.  These last 3 weeks have been different than my previous gigs due to my only having had one day where I haven't worked since I've landed.  I've averaged 12 hour days with a 30 minute commute each way for the last 20 days with just one day off.  I got to answer some "what if" questions.


-What if I don't get one day off a week, which was what I was used to. 
-What if I don't get daily physical affection? 
-What if I am affectionate towards a coworker and they don't like it?


1-My body adapts.  Once I take responsibility, my mind is all of out tricks, I accept reality, and typically have a good time.
2-I can give myself affection.  I have learned how to better love myself.  Plus, I learned how to ask for what I want on Tinder.  And it has led to a couple of awesome encounters!  Oh, and I've learned just how refreshing and nourishing some sunshine on my face can be.  Being inside for long stretches of time is draining.
3-I was, hm, I went to affectionately scratch a coworkers middle of their back and they said stop and pulled away.  I was instantly triggered back to a previous trauma.  I didn't know how to handle this during work.  I wanted to cry and curl up in the fetal position on the ground.  And I wanted to do it privately without anyone knowing.  So I went into the bathroom and sat.  I looked at myself in the mirror and felt all of the sensations.  After awhile, they weren't as strong.  I set the experience aside until later when I asked my coworker about it.  He shared with me what he was feeling, I shared what I had felt.  And then it was ok.  I experienced my experience.




I've learned during my time here how much of life is going by.  These three weeks are gone.  They will never come back.  I get to own that.  That I've created that for myself.  There is nothing more valuable than time.  I'm glad that I these few weeks that i've sacrificed for money have been fruitful, pretty harmless, and kind of fun.  I'll work for another week or so, and then I get a one way ticket pretty much anywhere in the US.  Which is pretty cool.


My minor concerns are that I paid a friend $80 to move my car once a week or so for about a month, and I'm afraid that he'll feel taken advantage of if I extend that to five weeks to take a week vacation somewhere.  Plus, I forgot my laptop in security at LAX, and I have until Sept 4th to either pick it up or have it shipped somewhere, shipping that I have to pay for, and that may potentially damage my computer.  I allow these little things to trap me in fear.  So lame. and gross, and boring.


That's most of what I've been up to.  Would love to hear from you all on what's important and fresh for you in your life.

Hugs and kisses.