It starts when I take a woman and pull her tight against my body, grab her hair, and then remember, “yep! this is so hot. We totally had a super solid and thorough safer sex conversation, and learned what turns both of us on, and also off, and then clearly negotiated an interaction that both of us are enthusiastic about. God i’m so masculine right now! Oh wait! Lemme check in with her and see how this is going for her so far. Yeah, NOW i’m reaaaly feeling masculine!”
And then it continues on, my super embodied masculinity that is, when i’m tearing into some food she just cooked after sex and then i get up from the table to go grab a nice glass of mezcal. And then, start doing all the dishes naked while she leisurely watches me, doing nothing. YEAAAHH!! Fucking masculinityyy!
You see, growing up in a male body has been a hell of a fucking trip. I didn’t choose this body, nor all of the preconceptions of what it means to be a, “man” that goes with it. And now as an adult male bodied human, it has gotten even more challenging. And there is something that really stinks of a big fucking load of bullshit. Like really. There is something so frustrating to hear comments about the way i dance or the way i dress, and who i fuck or don’t fuck. I just want to scream and then growl and then dance, and then be held and then also be cuddled. All I see is a bunch of different humans in different bodies who are attracted to or unnattracted to, people of a similar sex or dissimilar sex, and then i see these changing over time. Stop trying to tell people how to be! (<—This is a paradoxical sentence.)
Sure I can pick out a lot of commonalities amongst genders, but i see a hell of a lot more individuality that flourishes when left unclassified. Human expression then becomes art, unique and nuanced. Take for example kissing. I’ve kissed a lot of people. What i’ve found? There are weird kissers and good kissers and AMAZING kissers across ALL genders! But what about the stereotype that men are more gruff and rough? Wrong. And i’ve met plenty of women that are much more clumsy in their approach than men. All the pretenses are dumb constructed lies! (Sure, there are some patterns, but the price we pay to assert these are absolutely devastating to waaay too many people for it to be worth trying to make use of these patterns.) I’d assert (<—yes, another paradox) that there are no right ways to embody this idea of masculine and feminine. Or if there is a right way, it might only fit with a handful of people, and then for only a while. And if you do it the wrong way? You may find yourself connecting with an entirely different group of humans that are just as fantastic and amazing.
So try on just being a good fucking human. Be kind, and communicative, and honest. This will lead you much further than being whatever people say it means to be a true man or woman or whatever other bullshit classification that people use to contain us. *ROARS*
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