Butterflies

I just realized that butterflies are made of two things that aren't necessarily equally delicious, yet both are oh, oh my gosh!  There is so much to just that fucking word (butterflies)!

You see, butter, I'll call it the light side, is always good and yummy and delicious and yet too much of it isn't really what your body needs.

Sometimes, your body needs some flies, yep, those fucking annoying little shits that are gross, throw up where they land (supposedly, not going to fact check this) and then lay, gasp, maggots.  But maggots actually can be super fucking healing, or at least that's what I saw in the movie Gladiator where they were put in a wound to keep it from getting infected.  And then they break down what's thrown away and turn it back into something useful. Plus they act as live fodder for you to practice your hand eye coordination and feed your appetite for violence.  This I will call the darkness.

I'm visiting a wonderful couple of humans right now, and we spoke about how her role is going to be bringing some darkness into this new town that they moved to.  And here's where I want to be specific.  The darkness if fucking fabulous.  It is scary, true, and also scary true!  The darkness is where lies the truth often.  Buried, covered in muck, yet once rinsed off and examined, revealed to not be so scary after all, and actually really fucking important.  Delving into the darkness is the practice of cleaning out the "trash" ridden creek out in the backyard.  When work is put into clearing out the yucky and gross creek, we begin to see that it's not actually that gross, and when love has been poured into it, it attracts animals, really lovely ones too!  (Can't you tell I'm in Oregon now?)

Like butterflies, yeah that whole thing I was going to write about.

Butterflies have broken my mind in the past.  My purpose driven mind, what is this creature?  Why the fuck does it exist?  It is so fragile, so easily injured or destroyed with nothing to protect itself with.  And yet as I've grown older I see them as the closest thing to representing life and love so far.

When I was visiting the insectarium in New Orleans, I spent a grand amount of time in the Butterfly garden, filled with shit tons of fucking gorgeous ass butterflies.  And I would see the people in their with me trying to get a butterfly to land on them, so they could take a picture and post in on instragram typically.  And they would sometimes disrupt the butterfly's normal patterns in order to force a landing.  Or they would attempt to touch them!  Tsk, tsk!

Here's the juice though, if we can look at love and life and something pleasant to be regarded with no expectations for an outcome, then when a butterfly or love lands in our lives, we simply are grateful for such a momentous occurrence to have happened to us.  It's a bit like consent too, we give ourselves a lot better chance of having hot sex if we surround put ourselves in an environment of hot butterflies, but we can't force one to land on us, and if we do try or if we force ourselves on them, we typically cause harm to the butterfly.  We can also ask the butterflies if they would like to land on us, and make a pretty little landing pad conveniently placed.  And if they don't respond, then we say thank you and move on.

It ain't easy though!  What if I'm having a really bad day and the only thing that would make it better is if a butterfly landed on me and i was able to take a picture of it and post in on facebook and then get anxious when i don't get as many likes as my other post got and then start the cycle all over again??

And that is the hard part, that's the part I struggle with, particularly around touch and sex.  I have experienced how fucking awesome I feel after cuddles and/or sex.  Especially when it's with another human.  And so when I don't have it for a while, I feel that hunger too, and damn if it ain't a strong and powerful sensation.  So I get the hunger, the willingness to break norms to feed.  And as one who gets it and likes to feed the hungry, even I don't want to cuddle with all humans all of the time, and if we do force that feeding, the magic is lost.  This goes to show that the whole love and connection and sex and romance ain't a walk in the park, unless you happen to see a rainbow and get mugged and meet a friendly stranger and then experience as that stranger goes on their way leaving you alone and self reflecting all in that one walk in the park of course...

And really all of this is to say I'm grateful as fuck when I'm seen and treated as a butterfly.  A creature that just flies around seemingly randomly and brings a little art and happiness into the world wherever it goes.  I love when I'm seen a pleasant bonus and also allowed to come and go as I please.  Plus, this butterfly is made of butter and flies.  I hold both light and dark within me, and you bet your ass they both are beautiful and ugly and useful and useless all wrapped up in one thing.  And really just a bunch of made-up meaning that holds no value and is priceless all at the same time.

"Oh those simultaneous paradoxes, the closest thing to the truth that we have."  -A dear human who I haven't gotten permission to quote them yet.



Yeah, so life's good and next stop is Portland for the regional burning man, woot!

Here is a pretty picture I got the pleasure of SEEING IN REAL LIFE OMG in New Orleans.  So fucking cool that I got to see this....Yes, those are 3 different amazeballs looking caterpillars all next to one another, not forced either!  Ugh, they are all so cool!  If you want close-ups, lemme know, I can add those as well.