Experience your goddamn experience.

I just completed my 8 day radical honesty workshop.  And hoooollly shit.  I cried.  I cried and i cried and i cried.  I don't want to put it into words.  This post won't do it justice just as the book, "Radical Honesty" didn't do this course justice.  Yes, the book is helpful, especially for you philosophical son's of bitches, and the book also won't interrupt our minds.  Keeping you in your same repetitive patterns of whatever your poison of choice is.





Interrupt our minds you say?  Yes, the biggest thing you can get out of this course is what it's like to interrupt the mind and do it intentionally.  But why would we want to do this?  Because holding secrets and witholding your love and warmth and tenderness is stressful and exhausting.  It's hell staying mad at someone and then reminding yourself to not forget why you're mad at them, and making sure that they can tell that you're still mad, because you're giving them quite the show!





AJ Jacobs didn't quite get it, and a fellow workshop participant commented on Jacobs' not getting it when he signed up to do the workshop.  Radical Honesty isn't about vomiting out of your mouth to feel cool. 

It's about telling your mom how scared you were that time when she yelled at you when you were 5.  And then telling her that you resent her, and will NEVER forgive her.  And then, (this is what separates the A's from the D's in organic chemistry) stand there. Don't move, don't fidget, don't drink a beer, don't smoke a cigarette, don't drink that diet coke, don't you dare eat a goddamn donut.  No, you stand there and you experience your motherfucking experience.  Feel the sweat dripping down from your armpits, feel hotness in your cheeks.  Feel your clenched jaw and the pressure in your throat.  And sit there in it.  Sit there in the shame, the rage, the guilt.  Then if you really expressed yourself, not holding back or going over the top (another form of avoiding the sensation) you might feel those sensations subside.  And then after you've allowed your feelings and emotions to simply exist, you then might be over your resentment and be able to express your unspoken appreciations.  Like how much you appreciated when she would make your bed or always come to your junior varsity away games during high school. (Which are really, really boring.)

And what do you have now?  An actual relationship based in your body and not in your mind.  You can noticeably feel the happiness for the first time probably since you've been a child.








Favorite moment: 8 people in a 4 person hottub.  All naked.  I was in heaven.

Least favorite:  Experiencing the dread of the possibility of someone resenting me on the last day.  My chest just got tingly and i took a deep breath to avoid feeling the tingly sensation.

Biggest realization:  My pattern of bullying started with linked sausages when I was around 3 years old.  I am grateful to Taber for recognizing this.

Next stop: NYC until April 2nd.  I'd like to perform a "boylesque" piece.  Hopefully with the group Unicorn Smack. 

Offer: Read radical honesty, or some other book that points at the same thing.  I want support.  I want to practice resentments and appreciations and sharing of witholdings and i want support in this. I want to hang with other people that enjoy interrupting their mind.

Again, i'd love updates of where you are and what you're up to.  Go as deep or as shallow as feels good.

Love, me.